Fear of flying?

It's no secret that I personally have been struggling with my weight for quite some time, even when I was younger I was still a pretty big kid. Being fat and overweight is something that I have somewhat grown accustomed to. I've gotten used to the fact that I can't find a pair of jeans that fit at Walmart, I've learned that the Big & Tall section is just that, not Big or Tall like I need. I rarely envy someone else, especially for their physical appearance, but there are times when I think, man I wish I looked as good as that guy or I wish I could shop in that store.

I often wonder what's holding me back. I hide behind the excuses while calling them reasons. I'm just not motivated, or it's too hard, or I don't have the time to work out.

I've said them all and chances are you have, too. But why do we hide behind those excuses?

I've done a lot of thinking these last few days, mostly because I've been having some trouble sleeping, but I think I have the answer ... fear. The next question is, fear of what? Am I afraid to fail? Surely I'm not because I've been failing for a long time, you don't get to a weight that is over 300 pounds overnight. So I can't be afraid of failing. That would leave the other side of the spectrum, success.

Could it be? Could I really be afraid to succeed? Like I said, I've grown accustomed to being this large man who has to order his dress shirts from the catalogue so he can get the right neck size and sleeve length. I'm ashamed to admit it, but being fat has become my comfort zone. Like most people, I am afraid to step out of that comfort zone and into a whole new way of looking at life and living.

I don't know about you, but stepping out of that comfort zone is pretty scary. It would be like packing up and moving to China, I would have to learn a whole new language, culture, social interaction, I would have to become an entirely different person, I would have to transform myself. Ah, there it is, transformation. I like that word; it has meaning and power. To transform myself into a new, healthy, fit version of my old self ... just think about what it will take to completely relearn how you eat, how you move, how you think.

It's a pretty daunting task, but you know what? I'm ready. I've been struck by the power of this epiphany and I'm no longer afraid to fly anymore.

Armed with this renewed vigor, I promise you right now that in next week's column I will tell you that I have lost weight.