Woman shares memories of being a foster child

Herald-Tribune

Nevada, Mo. -- Mary seems happy in her life now and has settled into a profession helping children and families but that is a long way from where she started, left at an Indiana hospital by her mother at the tender age of 2 months.

A long string of circumstances stemming mostly from her mother's struggle with mental illness brought Mary -- now an adult, who asked that only her first name be used -- to Missouri, with a stopover in Okla-homa. Her experiences left her more in tune with the realities of the system; providing insights that she passes to others when it seems the right thing to do.

"There were times when I would share my information with the kids I was seeing but there were others when I just felt it wasn't appropriate," Mary said. "I feel I really go the extra mile all the time, and felt like I went above and beyond on those cases where if I had to remove the child trying to find any family member possible to take this child so they didn't have to be placed in a foster home."

Mary emerged from foster care and having matured since then, appreciates what the families who took her in did for her. From that appreciation emerged a desire to see more families take in foster children.

"Children don't need someone to take over as their mom and dad," Mary said. "They need someone they can go to for things they need, and to help them out, and for the support they need."

Foster parents can expect to have some challenges, she admits.

"Are there going to be problems, sure," Mary said. "I was one, that's just kids. There are rewards, they may not be obvious but they are there. Knowing that you contributed to a better life for someone. You may not get awards but you can change someone's life and that's important."

The ties that bind foster children to the families that host them can be strong, and long-lived even when there are strains.

"I was adopted as an adult by a foster parent that I have," Mary said. "I was 22 when I was adopted. I lived with this foster family when I was about nine. I was the typical foster child. I don't know any other way to put it but I was p*****d off at the world and everybody's gonna know about it."

Mary said that attitude, one that many foster children share, can be what causes them to receive certain labels. It can also be the result of the turmoil caused by being pulled from the familiar surroundings they've grown accustomed to.

"That's typically how foster kids are and they get labeled ADHD or 'oh, they're disturbed.' What people don't understand is you take that kid out of that home, the kid's the one that suffers. The parents get to live their lives, they get to go on. They don't have to move to a new school, they don't have to live with new people, they don't lose their bedroom and their stuff and their siblings. So a lot of kids are hurt and they're lashing out."

Mary said that one area in which foster parents can really help is in providing a stable environment that can help foster children complete high school.

"Only 13 percent of foster children graduate high school," Mary said. "I managed to graduate and go on but there are a lot that don't."

Mary said possible foster parents shouldn't let their fears overcome their compassion.

"I think the stigma that goes with being a foster child is one reason people hesitate," Mary said. "Yes, there are those kids out there, the stigma kid, but not all kids are like that. Some are, some aren't. People need to be aware that we're not all gangsters, we're not all juvenile delinquents so don't be afraid to take in a foster child."

Foster parents are needed in Vernon County. To help those interested find out more about being a foster parent, a foster parent informational meeting has been set for 6 p.m., Tuesday, July 14, at the Career Center at 621 E. Highland, Nevada, Mo.