Strong families share certain characteristics

Last week I wrote about the importance of healthy, strong families in our communities and in society. For many years researchers in the field of family studies have asked "What makes a strong family?" "What are the qualities that make for success in families?"

Finding answers to these questions is important because they can help families know how to improve their own relationships.

Research at the University of Nebraska for more than 20 years has focused on families in the United States and around the world who believe they are doing well. More than 17,000 family members in 27 countries have participated in this research.

Amazingly, when people around the globe are asked "What makes your family strong?" the answers are similar from culture to culture. The model of family strengths has six general qualities:

Appreciation and affection

People in strong families deeply care for one another, and they let each other know this on a regular basis. They are not afraid to express their love.

Commitment

Members of strong families show a strong commitment to one another, investing time and energy in family activities and not letting their work or other priorities take too much time away from family interaction.

Positive communication

Successful families are often task-oriented in their communication, identifying problems and discussing how to solve them together. Perhaps even more important than this, however, strong families also spend time talking with and listening to one another just to stay connected. Some of the most important talk occurs when no one is working at connection. Open-ended, rambling conversations can reveal important information which helps smooth out the bumps of family living.

Enjoy time together

One study of 1,500 school children asked, "What do you think makes a happy family?" Few replied that money, cars, nice homes, or Disney World make a happy family. The kids were most likely to say that a happy family is one that does things together, and enjoys the times they share with each other.

Spiritual well-being

Religion or spirituality also can be important to strong families. It can include organized religion, but not necessarily so. People talk about faith in a higher being, a sense of optimism in life, or a oneness with the world. Some describe the love they feel for one another with a great deal of reverence. Others express these feelings in terms of ethical values and commitment to important causes.

Successful management of stress and crisis

Strong families are not immune to stress and crisis, but they are not as crisis-prone as troubled families tend to be. Rather, they have the ability to manage both daily stressors and difficult life crises creatively and effectively. They know how to prevent trouble before it happens and how to work together to meet challenges when they inevitably occur in life.

(Information taken from "What is a Strong Family, Anyway?" by John DeFrain, University of Nebraska Cooperative Extension.)